


Finding Your Family

by alextyler518



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Autism, Autistic Albert, Dysphoria, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Modern Era, Trans Male Character, Trans Racetrack Higgins, not edited we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2019-11-26 01:57:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alextyler518/pseuds/alextyler518
Summary: Race and Albert had lived their lives without the most supportive people. That was until they met each other and their friends.





	1. Chapter 1

Albert walked into the apartment that he shared with Race. “I’m home!” He yelled as he closed the door behind him. It had been a long day at the studio teaching kids ballet. He loved his job, but some days it was exhausting. He slung his dance bag on the floor next to the couch and noticed that Race wasn’t in his usual afternoon spot on the couch. Race broke routine. Every day when Albert came home from work, he would put his dance bag in its spot, kiss Race, then sit next to him on the couch.

Panic quickly set in, but just as quickly as it set in, it was replaced by worry. He ran over to their bedroom looking for his boyfriend. He opened the door to a mound made of the duvet with Race curled up in a ball underneath. Albert immediately sat on the bed next to him. “Hey Anthony?” He knew that Race liked being called by his full name rather than just a nickname when he was upset.

“Hm?” Race hummed in response.

“What’s wrong?” Albert could tell his boyfriend was hurting and he wanted to make him feel better. He didn’t know how to help but he was going to damn well try.

“I’m not a real man.” Those words broke Albert’s heart. Knowing that he felt that way truly crushed him because he thought Race was the best man he knew.

“No,” Albert replied. “You are the manliest man to ever man.” That made Race let out a small laugh. Small was better than nothing. He put his arm around Race’s shoulders and laid down on the bed, pulling him onto his chest.

“Really though. Real men don’t have chests or periods. But I do. I shouldn’t, but I do. So I’m not a real man.”

“Lots of men have chests. And periods,” Albert stated. “Like Spot.” Race and Spot had been friends since they were in high school. Being the only two trans kids in school made them pretty close over the years.

“Spot had top surgery and has been on testosterone for three years. He doesn’t get periods anymore.”

“Okay, that was a bad example,” Albert admitted. He tried to use Spot as an example because he was the only trans person he really knew besides Race. “But I know another man who definitely has both of those things. His name is Anthony Higgins and he is the most beautiful boy I have ever met in my life.” He looks down at Race curled up on his chest. “And if you get out of that duvet, I can see how beautiful you are.”

With that, Race shuffled out of the duvet he had wrapped himself in and resumed his place cuddled up with his sweet boyfriend. Albert planted a kiss on Race’s forehead and ran his fingers through his blonde curls. It was a sensory experience for Albert. He loved the feeling of his hand wrapped up in Race’s curls.

They laid there like that in silence for a few minutes. Albert moved his hand from Race’s hair to his back. As he ran his hand over Race’s back, he felt a familiar tight fabric.

“Race, are you binding?” He asked though he already knew the answer. He nodded. “How long?”

He started silently counting on his fingers. “Nine hours.”

Albert sat up, causing Race to follow. They sat facing each other. “You need to take it off.”

“No!” Race said defensively. He just couldn’t take off his binder. He didn’t care if it was hurting him. He needed the comfort it gave him like he need air it prevented him from breathing.

“You can walk around shirtless. I know you love that,” Albert reminded him. “As long as you don’t look down you can pretend it doesn’t exist.”

“I can’t fucking breathe.” Binding took a toll on people with healthy lungs. Race had asthma and today was not a particularly good day for his lungs even without a binder.

“Then please take it off,” Albert pleaded. “It’s hurting you, and I promise I won’t look” He knew that was something Race had always been concerned about.

“Fine.” He got up of the bed and went into the corner of the room with his back to Albert. He took off his shirt and, after a few moments of struggle, peeled off his binder. He brought his clothes over to the hamper and returned to his spot next to Albert on the bed.

Albert looked up and made eye contact with Race. “I’m proud of you.” Race smiled and was overcome with happiness because of both his comment and his eye contact. Albert hated eye contact. He rarely even attempted to make it look like he was making eye contact. Race knew that these brief moments of eye contact were something to cherish because they were so rare and only ever happened with him.

From across the room, Race’s phone notified him of an incoming text. He walked over to retrieve his phone from the dresser to read it.

From:  
sprite cranberry: usual four, movie night, your place?

He proposed the idea to Albert, the usual four being the two of them, Spot, and Crutchie. “Sure, but do you feel up to it?” He asked, more concerned about his boyfriend’s comfort than anything else.

“I don’t know but I want to stay shirtless.” He replied. As much as he loved binding, he also loved being shirtless. It made him feel more normal.

“Then stay shirtless. They’ve seen you shirtless like a million times, they don’t care.” Albert did have a point. He knew they wouldn’t mind Race walking around the apartment in only his black sweatpants.

“You right, you right,” Race replied as he confirmed their plans with Spot.


	2. Chapter 2

Thirty minutes later, Spot was knocking harshly on their door with two DVDs in hand: Spiderman Homecoming and Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse. He had a theme going. He immediately went to find Race. Less than five minutes after Spot arrived, Crutchie walked through the door with his service dog and the assistance of elbow crutches.

Once Crutchie closed the door behind him, Albert rushed over to him. “Is he on duty?” He was looking somewhat down towards Crutchie’s chin and fidgeted with his hands nervously. He wouldn’t make eye contact with him, but he would look at his face, which is more than what he would attempt with almost anyone else. They were very close and Crutchie would never be offended at the lack of eye contact the way that some other people were.

Crutchie smiled his famous smile and chuckled. “No, you can play with him.” Albert immediately sat on the floor so he was face level with Coda. He was the sweetest golden retriever that Crutchie had gotten about three years ago. And Albert absolutely loved dogs, often preferring them to people. They were easier than people. It was also another sensory experience for him. He loved the feeling of having his hands burred in a dog’s fur. It was also a bonus if they laid on top of him. He loved the pressure.

After a few moments, Crutchie, unable to easily sit on the floor, pulled up a chair to sit next to Albert. They sat there in silence petting Coda until Albert said, “I’ve been thinking about getting one.”

“A service dog?”

“I know it probably sounds stupid because I’m not really disabled or whatever-“

“It’s not stupid. And you are ‘really disabled,’” Crutchie reassured him, using air quotes. “Whatever the fuck that means. But really, if you think it’ll help, then I think you should.” He looked away from Albert to make him feel as comfortable as possible. “Can I ask why?” He was always careful not to push Albert’s limits. He never wanted him to feel forced to speak about anything he didn’t want to.

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Crutchie realized it was his turn to speak. “Okay, why?”

“I just don’t want to be so dependent on my boyfriend,” He admitted. “I don’t want him to feel like I’m his responsibility. I’m an adult, I shouldn’t need his help.”

“There’s nothing wrong with needing help,” Crutchie replied. “Even people who are neurotypical and able-bodied need help sometimes.”

“But I need more help than just sometimes. I’m a burden on Race.”

“Do you think Race feels like that?” Crutchie asked both sadly and confused. It hurt him to hear Albert thinking so lowly of himself.

“Yeah,” he replied as if the answer was obvious. He had always felt like Race considered him a burden. He felt like he was a lot to handle and that Race would have a much easier relationship if he were dating someone else. He needed more help than the average person and was insecure about it. It made him feel like a kid when Race had to help him remember to do things like eat and shower. It made him feel like a kid when Race had to calm him down when the sensory input was just too much. Getting the help he needed made Albert feel like a kid and he hated it.

“I can’t speak for Race, but I highly doubt he does. He loves you for you, and that includes your baggage.” Crutchie noticed that Albert had taken his hands out of Coda’s fur and started quickly moving his middle finger against his thumb. An anxious stim. “And I get how you feel,” he said in an attempt to make Albert more relaxed. “It took me a long time to not feel like I was being a burden on Jack and David. Eventually I just realized that whenever I needed help, they helped because they wanted to, not because they felt like they had to.”

Race suddenly entered the room followed by Spot. “So now that we’ve all had our respective best friend bonding time, shall we start the movie?”

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Albert replied a little too loudly.

Before he could join Race and Spot on the couch, Crutchie held him back for a minute. “I do think you should talk to him about how you feel though,” he said quietly. And Albert agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

It was Monday so Albert didn’t have any classes to teach. On the couch, he was watching _Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse_ again while fidgeting with a Rubik's cube. He wasn’t trying to solve it or anything, just move. Occasionally he would drop it to shake his hands when the movie got to a really good part and he got excited, or to cover his ears when the construction across the street got particularly loud. The cacophony coming from across the street made him anxiously chew on his tongue throughout the whole movie.

He was so distracted in the different sounds that he didn’t notice the door open and close behind him. Race walked up to him, kissed him, and sat on the couch next to him. “How the tables have turned,” Race remarked jokingly. He tried to hold Albert’s hand, but once Race touched him, he pulled away. “No touch day?” Albert nodded. “That’s okay.” Race put his arm on the back of the couch behind Albert, just close enough for him to feel safe while being just far enough for him to feel comfortable.

Albert, eyes fixed on the movie, brought his fist to his chest and made a circle: _I’m sorry._

The apology caught Race off guard. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said looking confused.

_You’re wrong._ The movie had ended, but Albert’s eyes were still fixed on the screen, watching the credits roll. It gave him something to focus his eyes on.

Race moved from his spot on the couch and sat on the coffee table facing Albert. They made eye contact for a brief second before he dropped his gaze to trace the pattern on Race’s shirt. _I am very right._ Race signed more slowly, as signing didn’t come very naturally to him, especially because he had only been learning on and off for about two years. Albert, however, was much better at signing because he was first taught in elementary school when his parents thought he was having problems with his hearing. When he was diagnosed with autism, he had to learn ASL on his own. He couldn’t use it at home and was only allowed to speak.

_I’m a bad boyfriend. You can’t touch me. I can’t speak. I’m a bad boyfriend._

_First, you are an amazing boyfriend. Second, so what? A lot of people can’t speak. A lot of people don’t like touch. You’re not very weird. Only a little._ They both laughed slightly at the last part.

_Why are you signing? You know I can hear._ Albert asked that question every time Race would sign to him. And every time Race would reply the same why.

“Would you rather I speak?” Even though Albert was expecting the sound, he still flinched at it. He shook his head. A truck working across the street started beeping loudly. Albert got up from his seat and rushed to the bedroom, quickly closing the door behind him. Race followed him but stopped outside the door. He sat down on the floor and put his ear up to the door, listening for nothing in particular, just to try to put together what was happening on the other side. He didn’t want to disturb Albert unnecessarily. He could hear him pacing around the room, breathing heavily. He could hear him rummaging around for something until he probably found what he was looking for and stopped. Then he started making a tapping noise. Race figured he was probably stimming because of the distinct pattern the noise made.

Race looked up and something on the kitchen counter caught his eye: Albert’s tangle toy. The tangle was probably his favorite and was rarely this far away from him. After deciding he should check on him, Race got up, grabbed the tangle off the counter and entering their shared bedroom slowly and quietly.

Albert sat on the floor with his navy blue weighted blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He was using the knuckle of his thumb to repeatedly hit the pressure point right above the space in between the eyebrows. Race sat behind him and wrapped his arms around him tightly. He knew he liked the pressure. He leaned back against the foot of the bed, pulling Albert down with him. After a moment, he moved his hand to Albert’s forehead, preventing him from hitting his forehead. After a few moments, he began to slow down, and once he realized that Race wouldn’t move his hand anytime soon, he stopped. Using his other hand, Race handed him his tangle that was on the counter and Albert immediately began fidgeting with it. They sat like that in silence for a little while. It was Albert who eventually broke the silence. “You don’t have to keep your hand on my forehead, you know. I’m fine.” That was the first time he had spoken all day.

“Whatever you say my good sir,” Race replied as he moved his hand to wrap his arm around Albert.

“I’m really sorry, Race.” He felt so guilty that Race had to put up with all of his baggage.

“Why are you sorry?” Race asked, curious because there was absolutely nothing for Albert to be sorry for.

“For this,” he replied. “For making you feel like my caretaker instead of my boyfriend.”

“Who says I feel like that?” Race loved Albert unconditionally and if that meant having to take care of him sometimes, then so be it.

“I do. I know that I’m a burden on you.”

“Albert, I love you. More than anything. I don’t care if I have to take care of you sometimes. I do it because I love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: misgendering, deadnaming, etc

Race and Albert were sitting tangled up in each other on the couch binge watching season five of How to Get Away With Murder on Netflix. After the episode ended, Race turned off the TV. “I need to talk to you.” Albert suddenly looked at him concerned. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing about you or anything.”

At that, Albert relaxed. He looked up at him and at Race’s chin. “Okay then what is it?”

“My parents are coming to visit,” Race said nervously.

“What? Why?” Albert replied frantically. He had never even met Race’s parents but he knew they were awful. They couldn’t be that good of parents if they hadn’t met their son’s boyfriend in the two years they had been dating. Not that they considered Race their son.

“They said they’re coming just to see me and see how I’m doing. I think they’re just coming to see if I’m still doing the whole being trans thing.” Race took Albert’s hand. “And they want to meet you. Full disclosure, I don’t think they’ll like you very much.”

“But I’m wonderful,” Albert replied sarcastically.

“You are, but you’re also different and I don’t want you to change for them. I don’t, and you shouldn’t either.”

Albert put his hand in Race’s. “I promise I won’t change, especially for people you don’t even like.”

“Good.” Race planted a kiss on Albert’s cheek.

The next few days went by preparing the apartment and mentally preparing themselves for the arrival of Race’s parents. When they heard a knock on the door Friday afternoon, they knew who was on the other side. There was another knock, identical to the first, and Race went to open the door. A skinny blonde woman burst through the door followed by a slightly taller man carrying two bags. “Kylie!” His mom said as she engulfed him into a hug. She almost immediately pulled away. “What are you wearing that’s so tight?”

“My binder,” he replied bluntly. “Just like the last million times you’ve asked.”

“God, what can I do to make you stop wearing that thing?” She sounded exasperated.

“Pay for my top surgery.” Race knew it was a rhetorical question, but he would never take her shit.

His mom walked passed Race and sat on the couch, putting her feet up on the coffee table. “And chop off some of the body God gave you? No way in hell.”

That was when Albert left the protection of the bedroom and went to introduce himself to Race’s parents. “Hi, I’m Albert.” He put his hand in his hair out of habit and immediately stopped when he realized that he was doing it.

“Well Albert, I’m John.” He put out his hand for Albert to shake. Albert declined.

“And I’m Michelle.” She stood up and hugged him. Albert wrapped his arms around her to subtly sign _help_ to Race who was standing behind her.

He walked up to his mother and put his hand on her shoulder. “Albert’s not much of a hugger.” She received the signal and let go of him.

“So Albert,” she sat back on the couch and signaled for Albert to follow. He sat in the chair to somewhat face her to avoid looking directly at her. “What do you do for a living?”

“Dance teacher,” he replied stiffly. Race recognized that tone. It was the tone Albert used when he couldn’t speak but forced himself to.

“Oh. And are you, you know…”

“Am I what?” Albert asked confused.

“She’s asking if you’re trans,” Race answered from the other side of the room.

“Oh, no, not trans, just gay.” It was obvious to Race how much Albert was struggling with his speech.

“And you’re dating my daughter?” Michelle questioned.

“Your son, actually,” he replied simply. Michelle rolled her eyes.

Once John sat down next to Michelle, Race stood behind the couch and waved his hand to get Albert’s attention. _You don’t need to talk if you don’t want._

Albert subtly lifted his hand to his temple. _I know._ It was going to be a long weekend for the both of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: misgendering, ableism

Albert, Race, and Race’s parents sat around the living room talking about nothing really. Their conversation hit a pause for a minute and Michelle decided to break the silence. “Kylie, would you go for a walk with me?” She wanted to talk with Race alone.

“Um, sure.” He got up from his spot next to Albert and gave his hand a small squeeze before he let go. He didn’t want to leave him alone with his dad, but it was better than leaving him alone with his mom. John was typically quiet about things he had issues with out of fear of being rude. Michelle did not share that fear. Once she and Race were in the hallway, he closed the door behind him. “What do you want to talk about?” He asked bluntly. “Albert?”

“I just don’t know how much he really likes you and how much you really like him.”

“What?” He couldn’t believe the audacity of his mother.

“I mean, he said that he’s gay, so I don’t know why he is dating you. And I don’t now why you’re dating him.”

He waited until they were in the privacy of the stairwell to respond. “What do you mean you don’t know why I’m dating him?” He asked incredulously.

“He’s…” She remained silent for a moment, deciding how to finish her statement. “Special. He’s dependent on you as his caretaker.”

Race stopped in the middle of the stairs. Once Michelle noticed, she stopped and turned around. “One,” he started, “I’m not his caretaker. Two, he’s very independent. Stubbornly so.” He was beginning to get frustrated with his mother making so many assumption about Albert without really knowing anything about him.

“He doesn’t have a real job and he can’t live by himself.” Michelle continued walking down the stairs and Race followed her.

“He coaches one of the most elite competition teams in the state, I’d call that a real job. And he lived alone for years before I moved in. Before we started dating, he lived in that apartment by himself.”

“I just worry about you being with him.”

“Well don’t. You don’t know anything about him or anything about our relationship.” Race turned around and went back to the apartment. When he got back, he only saw John sitting on a chair in the living room. “Where’s Albert?” He was immediately concerned.

“I was just trying to ask him some questions and he disappeared into your bedroom,” he replied, sounding frustrated. But John always sounded frustrated.

Race rushed into their bedroom and saw Albert sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed. He slowly walked over toward Albert and sat across from him. _What’s up?_

Silence. His hands didn’t move. Albert sometimes struggled with more open ended questions and Race was used to reworking his questions.

_Something happened with my dad?_ He nodded. _He said something?_

He hesitated. _Kind of. He asked a lot of questions I don’t know how to answer._

_Like what?_

_Like why I don’t talk all the time._ He paused, moving his hands around trying to figure out what he wanted to sign. _I want them to like me, but I don’t think they like me. Honest, what do they think about me?_

_They think you’re dependent on me and you’re ‘special’._

_But I’m not._ Albert was very adamant about being independent and wanted Race’s parents to know that. _I need to show them._

_If you don’t want to speak then sign in front of them._

Albert looked down and stayed silent for a moment. “No, it’s fine.” He stood up and left the room.


End file.
